Brooke's Story

He was my AP Psychology teacher my senior year of high school. I was a vulnerable teen, dealing with feelings of depression, anxiety, and SH/SI. It was probably around late fall when this all began. He could tell I was depressed most days and went out of his way to check in with me. It felt so nice to have someone checking in and seeing if I was okay. I felt seen.

One day he tapped on my desk during class (we were watching a video so it was fairly quiet and no one noticed). He whispered at me to check my twitter and quickly walked out to “use the bathroom” or I guess to make it look less suspicious. I opened twitter to see a message from a fake account he made. The message just said “hi .” From then on we talked constantly, all day, every day, until I went to bed at night. It was twitter at school, and texts at home. I felt cool. I had this teacher who wanted to talk to me and secretly text me. We would even talk about classmates that we disliked together.

What I saw as a friendship at first, escalated to even more. He told me that if I told him my darkest secrets he would tell me his. And so I did. I mean how couldn’t I? This guy trusted me and he saw the good in me. Finally a real friend who just understood everything about me. After I told him my “secrets” over twitter, he told me to stay after class the next day so he could give me something privately. When the day ended, he told me to check inside his desk and look for a stapled piece of paper. So I did. And i opened the paper. It had a random username on it. So of course I took it upon myself to google this username. That’s when I came across a bunch of foot fetish related topics. I found a website where he shared all of his fantasies. The next day at school it looked like he was going to tear up. He said “it’s okay if you hate me now or think i’m weird or creepy, or if you don’t want to be my friend anymore.” Looking back now I understand this was his way of manipulating me. But back then, I wanted my new best friend to know that I was there for him and would never judge him.

Each day we continued talking and the conversations became more sexual, but he trusted me and I trusted him. After school one friday, he dropped a flash drive secretly on my desk. He made me promise that I would bring it back on Monday and to NOT share it with anyone over the weekend. And of course I didn’t because I wouldn’t do that to my best friend. When I got home I remember rushing to my mom’s laptop privately so I could look. The flash drive took me to a porn account and the rest I just blocked out. We texted over that weekend and I told him I would never judge him. Our relationship grew stronger.

He eventually opened up to me about stealing peoples socks, including girls in our schools socks (he was the bowling coach and couldn’t wait for them to change their shoes). He told me he would take them to the bathroom to pleasure himself. He would send me pictures of girls feet, and would have me role play with him over text. Who knows what was happening behind his screen when he had me do this. This went on for a while. He told me everything sexual about him and his wife (yes a wife and two kids). I found myself growing a bit uncomfortable, especially when he asked me if I would like anything in return since I was always roleplaying for him. There were too many sexual things he did and said, that it would take me months to type this. But I think you get the point. We only ever met up once outside of school. He asked me to go over his house while his wife was away on senior trip but I couldn’t get myself to go. He always told me I was special and his best friend. This emotional affair went on until my sophomore year of college. I eventually got scared and told him if he didn’t get help I would tell his wife. But he told me he would take his life if I told her, and I couldn’t let that happen to my “best friend.” One day he told me he couldn’t speak with me anymore and before I replied he was gone. It killed me inside. My best friend, the one who knew everything about me just left me.

Flash forward six years, he was still teaching at the school, I had already been out of college at this point. He had sent a long email about me to his new “best friend” bashing me and telling lies about me. This email got around the entire high school and eventually to me. I had to meet with the police and CPS. He lost his teaching license and was charged, but they were all dropped. It still pains me that I never told anyone because he did it to someone else after I left. But I was afraid, and there was still a part of me that believed he would only ever talk to me. That I would always be his number one. I now know this was all his own fantasy, but to me it was real and he took advantage of that. I hope he finds peace and works on himself to be better but it will never take away the pain and trauma he caused me.